This is a conversation between mother and child ( me and him) when he left his shoes at the beach.
“Where are your shoes?” said frazzled mother.
Son looks down at his naked feet. “No idea!”
“You wore them to school today, right?”
“Well dah. Of course I wore them to school. You don’t notice if I have shoes when I go to school?”
“I can only notice things after coffee. Where are your shoes?” By now mother is starting to think of ways to smack the child over the head with out onlookers seeing.
“I might have left them at the beach?”
“The beach? Where all the sand is?” Mother is starting to add up the cost of the shoes in her head and not liking the math.
“There was grass, too. I think I left them on the grass.”
“Do you think the teacher would have noticed and taken them back to school?” Mothers head is pounding as the lift doors open but tries not to have a nervous break down in front of other residents.
He shrugs. “How would I know?”
“Ask at the front office tomorrow,” mother suggests to the child who is just as introverted as she is. “They are as big as canoes. Someone must have seen them.”
Introverted child gives her the look. The one that says you have about a 10% chance of me doing that.
“Try and ask at the front office tomorrow,” mother persists.
“Okay, okay.” Child has nothing but after school snack and television on the brain.
Mother picks child up from school the next day and asks about the shoes.
“About that…” child begins with a beguiling look on his face. “I went to the front office.”
“You went to the front office?” she says, trying to keep her eyes from popping out of her head.
“Yes, I went to the front office. Careful of the bus that you’re about to drive into.”
Mother puts foot on brake. “You went to the front office?” Mother has visions of child cowering behind the counter of his new school.
“YES! I went to the front office.”
“I’m proud of you for going to the front office and enquiring about the shoes. I have a feeling you didn’t get the shoes though.”
“That’s very perceptive of you, mother. I did not get the shoes.”
“I did however, fill out a lost property report. I am sure they will turn up somewhere.”
“Yes, on a homeless man who lives at the beach.”
“In that case, I’m giving to charity a few months early. I would have grown out of them anyway.”
Mother sighs but decides not to mention she’s the one giving to charity. “I’m still proud of you for asking about the shoes. “
“Next sports day, can you please remember to wear your shoes home.”
“Sure. It will probably be hot and I’ll need them.” Son opens sandwich he did not eat for lunch and munches.
“How does the weather come into it ?” Mother knows she will regret asking that but can’t help herself.
“If it had of been hot I would have needed them to walk across there road. Tar gets hot, mum.”
“Ahh!” Mother once again calculates cost of more shoes for sport that he can leave at the beach.